I always look forward to a new year the same way I always look forward to birthdays. Part of me is sad to see the year end, but another part loves to embrace the idea of a new year with a blank slate, full of opportunities. This year on the other hand, I cannot wait for 2016 to be over. It has been the most challenging and sad year of my life. I consider myself a very positive, glass-half-full, kind of person, but this year has done everything possible to strain every part of me. From work stress, relationships, and most of all, to a difficult pregnancy that ended in a pregnancy loss at about 5 months…I think I’m done. So much of me wants to say that this was the worst year of my life, which it was, but so much of my soul (cheesy I know) is telling me that this year is making me a better person. I have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, there are no mistakes, and this year, everything, and I mean everything, was a challenge to test my beliefs. If something good happened, it was always followed up by a major challenge…like the universe asking “how bad do you want it?”
Pregnancy loss has been, hands down, the worst, most tragic, heartbreaking, sad, confusing, miserable, lonely experience I have ever gone through. My only saving grace has been that I now have a baby angel who is watching me, and I need to be the person I would want her to look up to, live the life she couldn’t, and live a life she would be proud of. I also keep telling myself to be as grateful as I possibly can that I have a beautiful, happy, healthy, and fun 3 year old son. He is everything to me, and I don’t know how I would have made it through this heartache without him.
I do not usually talk about things that are so personal on this site, a site that I love like a child, but I think it is important for women to talk about these things. Pregnancy loss is very lonely and full of guilt, and I think that other women need to know that there is someone else out there who has gone through it as well.
One of the things that make me happy in life is yoga. I always say that good things happen when I do yoga. It has something to do with taking a moment each day for myself, for my body, for my emotions, for my health. It forces me to have an intention, to focus on life, and re-evaluate everything that is going on. I try to encourage as many people as I can to at least try yoga. Everyone has different exercises that that like (or don’t), but I think yoga is a great addition to any and every life.
Since this is the time of year to try and add a resolution to better your life, a great way to start yoga is with a great goal. It is said that it takes 30 days to start a habit (good or bad), so one of my favorite YouTube yoga instructors, Lesley Fightmater of Fightmaster Yoga, is doing 30 days of yoga for happiness aka #hathayogahappiness. All you need to do is go to her YouTube site and follow along each day. I recommend writing in a journal to keep yourself on track. I find that when I write down how many days in a row I have done yoga and how I felt that day, helps to keep me motivated to do the full 30 days. It is a great way to start the year by setting a goal, and accomplishing it.